Don't read any further if you are tired up to here with complaining and whining! You've been warned.
The good news is I'm done with the Adriamycin and Cytoxan cycles (4) prescribed for breast cancer at Stage 3. Everyone - doc's, nurses, others who've done it before me - said "it's hard." That is such a tremendous understatement! OMG!!
The good news is I'm half way done with the chemo phase of this treatment. If this is the first half, what - oh what - will the second half be like? Everyone - this time, doc's and nurses - say that the Taxol is " easier.". Easier than what? The AC? What does that mean, exactly? I'll be less exhausted? My appetite and taste buds will be somewhat better and I'll be able to get more than 1,000 - 1,200 calories down every day? Thank goodness I have so little energy...my calorie use is just enough that I am continuing to lose a pound or three every cycle, but hey I still have weight to lose, right?
As of today, I'm one week into the last AC round and had another lousy day. Had hoped to be enough on my feet by now to go to a friend's house for a little out of house time. That whole idea went up in flames...too tired, stomach upset. Just keep saying "maybe tomorrow.". I can hardly stand the thought that in one week I'll be starting another cycle, with three more after that one to finish! Quitting isn't an option, I get that...
Originally, I planned to write this blog about my history with chemo as a nurse and how I know that it was so much harder for those women - and the results much less good. Maybe next time. Today, it's hard to be very positive and/or optimistic. The next two months are stretching ahead and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel - influenced, i know, by feeling like crap at the moment.
To my friend and colleague who's just starting treatment tomorrow - ignore all this crap. You're on another path...it will be different for you and you won't whine like I do. To being "cancer free", you and me!
Here's to Mike, his family and everyone who's missing Toni at SCH...we were sorry to miss the "tea party" last weekend. Blessings to you all.
Here's to my love Jim! Continually, he amazes me. Today, he fixed bird perches, watered the garden, did laundry, went to the grocery store, made me food, supervised showering (so that our parrot Sal didn't go ballistic), AND canned sweet and sour cabbage as well as salsa (he promises it's take the skin- off-your-mouth hot, not counting a million other tiny, important and cool things he managed to squeeze in! I can't tell you how much he means to me.
I promise I'll be better tomorrow and with the next blog! Honest!
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Sue, you are so NOT a whiner. Not every day can be a great day, but you're still being super strong. I'm glad your new meds won't be as rough. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe know this is hard on you & Jim. But the goal is to be a survivor even though it feels like they are trying to kill you. The old saying "the cure is worse than the disease" comes to mind. But you are half way through this & we are thinking of you & love you.
ReplyDeleteJoe & Marie
Aunt Sue,
ReplyDeleteI have to second the comment that you most definitely are NOT a whiner!!! While we are all praying that you find energy and stregnth sooner than later, I have to say that it's refreshing that you are being honest with us all about your journey. As with all of life's experiences there are ups and downs. You are an inspiration and will soon look back on this as yet another hurdle you not only tackled but won with flying colors! All our love to you and Jim! xoxoxo
Sue,
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think if you're feeling like crap, then you have the right... no... even the RESPONSIBILITY to "whine" about it... (Ask Jim - I bet he'll agree with me!). All of us hate to see you suffering, but we would hate it more if we thought you couldn't share how you are feeling.
So please accept these "Good For" gifts... you may redeem them by printing them, cutting them out, and lighting the one you want on fire. (In a safe place over a ceramic dish please):
1. GOOD FOR ONE GUILT-FREE WHINE
2. GOOD FOR ONE GUILT-FREE COMPLAINT
3. GOOD FOR ONE GUILT-FREE MOMENT OF PESSIMISM.
Sue... you're so used to being the "Rock" for everyone else. This must be so hard for you. Please redeem these gifts, and remember... there's plenty more where these came from!
Don't forget, during those times when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel... stop looking for it. During those times, just bite off only what you can chew. You know the drill.... one footstep at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time...
You're halfway through and it WILL get better.
You're always in our thoughts,
Love Jody