Where Have I Been? Second Edition March 7, 2011

Hello dear family and friends,

Although I didn't intend to stop writing to let you know how things are going, it's actually somewhat of a good sign that it's been so busy that I haven't had time to sit down to do this.  I just finished reading the blog of a friend of a friend who has lung cancer and the light went on...I should write to you all!  My apologies for the giant gap in communication.

So here I am, actually feeling quite well.  Hooray!  About mid-January, I stopped needing a nap most every day.  Better yet, near the end of February I got a clear mammogram and ultrasound (I call them 1/2 mammo and 1/2 ultrasound, since there is only one side now.  Not half price, however).  Also had lab work done and am no longer anemic - yeah!  That's where the energy is coming from.  My radiation oncologist says my skin is fine.  And, I finally got this lousy cough diagnosed (recurrence of asthma, coughing since October) and am on meds to treat.  It's much better!

That's the health stuff - every thing's looking good and I'm feeling better.  Here's what's still recovering from the slash, poison, burn regime of 2010: easily tiring, low appetite and strange tastebuds (have now lost 30+ pounds and have about 10 to go), fingernails that are still recovering from chemo (ugly) and peripheral neuropathy mainly in feet and right fingers.  I'm told the neuropathy may or may not go away (it's from chemo, too), but my left fingers are much better so I have hope that all will gradually recede.

BTW:  I have hair on my head (and most other places which I could have done without).  I didn't get either of my two wishes:  I wanted color any color, but it's white again/still.  I wanted curls and so far it's a combination of straight and wavy.  It's only 3/4 of an inch long, so maybe other changes will come...the bottomline is whatever color or texture, I'm glad to have hair again.

Jim and I took a few days in late January to go to Hawaii.  We really took it easy - mostly because of my energy level - and did virtually nothing but laze around.  I discovered that a mai tai every day was delicious and by the end of a few days I was able to finish a whole one...to Jim's dismay!  The sun was  good, good, good - we were so in need of warm, lazy days.  It was perfect. 

Since Hawaii, we've had two one-day retreats at the Requa Inn in Klamath.  It's about 25 minutes from home and we've loved the super comfortable river view rooms and most excellent food prepared for the winemakers' dinners.  We highly recommend this wonderful Inn - even if you live nearby as we do.  It is very casual, peaceful and run by our wonderful friends who take great care of every guest.

We have our minds on travel, as you can see.  We felt very deprived last year and are hoping for several small and larger trips this year.  At this time, we have another Requa Inn overnight planned and almost a month in England and surrounds planned for June.  Can't wait!

In between travel for medical check-ups and fun, Jim and I are working, dealing with the never-ending rain (actually a good thing), enjoying our house and thinking about yard work and gardens soon to come.  I feel so glad to be through treatments and grateful that healing is happening. 

A group of wonderful women gathered me in through this last year - they all walked the same path with breast cancer and  shared many war stories and laughs as they helped me along.  Now, there is a new member of our group (the club no one ever asked to be a member of) starting her journey...and we are beginning the process of holding and supporting her along the way.   I want to do for her what the others did for me - among other things, each woman has reminded me that getting through the treatments is possible and that surviving/thriving happens. 

An amazing thing - When you are diagnosed with breast cancer, suddenly women that I've known (or not) came forward to say "I had breast cancer too."  Twenty years ago, eleven years ago, five years ago, last year.  I never knew there were so many of us quietly going about life.  There is a sisterhood out there and they came forward quietly to say "how can I help?"  Believe me, just knowing you are there helps!  And, so many people gave the same love, information and support to Jim, too.  It was all really important.

I hope you too are looking forward to Spring as we are.  I hope you are well, that your families and friends are well.  And, I hope you get your sunny, warm, lazy days in whatever fashion you prefer them.

I will try not to be so long between posts.  I do love hearing from you all.

Round Two - No Hair! August 1, 2010

Hello Everyone!

Hope you're enjoying the beautiful "middle" of summer! In Crescent City (or just outside where we live), the day started with a marine layer that burned off around noon. it's brilliantly sunny right now, in the high 60's...yep, you should be jealous. I know it's at least 80+ in Sacramento and surrounds. Am sorry for you bakers!

I've made it through three weeks of chemo - the second dosing round, plus a week - and am doing better this time. When I met with my oncologist before this dosing, she made some changes to try to reduce the "crash" I had on the Friday after the first round. She thought (and I think she was right, not that it matters) that part of being totally out of commission on that first Friday was due to the steroid withdrawal that kicked in. So, she reduced the amount of steroid I took post-chemo and it seems to have helped. I have more energy (can you tell?), though did spend most of yesterday sleeping and resting.

Here's the big news: no more hair. It started to fall out exactly 14 days after the first chemo and came out in huge handfuls. I got my hair cut really short a couple of weeks before I started chemo to make it even easier to handle, but was still surprised at what a big mess all those hairs make. By Thursday, I looked like Brad Pitt in the movie where he ages backwards (not cute though; just old and wispy). Took to wearing scarves and suddenly EVERYONE who didn't already know what was up is looking at me funny and asking Jim questions behind my back. As Jim says, now I look sick.

Attached is a pic so you can see what the shaved look is like - not my best look, though I think I have a strong resemblance to my brother Mike. Scary for one of us, hey Mike? The good news is that shaved feels so much better than not. Really. When it started to fall out, my scalp felt like I had a second-degree sunburn and the hair actually seemed to hurt right at the scalp level. At least now there's no tugging and the sunburn feeling is receding.

About the picture: Jim insisted on putting a pillow behind me for "background." That makes me look like all I do is lounge in bed - and, really, I make it to the bathroom and the couch! And, the red spot over the left side of my lip...it's been there for a few years and my docs and I have treated it like the other brown, sun damaged spots on my face. With the chemo, however, this one spot has turned into a red, scabby thing. Jennifer says it may be a pre-cancerous something that's getting some treatment with the chemo. We're "watching" it at this point. Just what I need, right?

BTW: the dogs and cats don't notice any difference with or without hair. But, Booker and Salvadore (our parrots) are quite skittish. They seem to know that it's me at some level, but the combination of no head "feathers" and scarves/berets have them all confused. They never did like me in hats anyway. Who's smartest? I personally never use the phrase "bird brain" as a derogatory.

Am hoping to be able to work this next week until I leave for the Bay Area again for round three. This time, I'm going to drive myself down and Jim's going to take care of house, pets and his own work! If I had to do it today, driving down alone would be difficult - I'm still really wiped out. But, I think by Thursday I'll be back in the saddle...at least I was the first round. Joy is going to drive me home after the chemo/Neulasta as I haven't mastered enough energy to do that one yet.

Continued thanks to all of you for the love, cards, good wishes, gifts, and help! I wish I could see you all and spend time with you - but just don't have enough energy. I'm 1/4 through the chemo part! Yeah! Am thinking about what great trip might be in store for Jim and me when all this is done...ideas welcome!